Entre les trous de la
mémoire
mémoire
I grew up with this painting by Dominique Appia. It was my favourite painting in the whole world when I was little, I used to stare at it for a long time and imagine that i lived in this fantasy-like world in which the sea enters a room where books are being burnt by a girl who still keeps reading some and the other girl is facing the horizon.
A mixed horizon - there are icebergs outside and then the landscape turns slightly urban shifting into all kinds of stuff.
When I left home and moved to Spain I could not bring it with me and then one day as i wandered the streets of Barcelona I found it and my heart exploded with joy.
The meaning of this painting can always be subjected to free interpretation but basically this surrealist piece transmits the feeling of - dont burn your bridges behind you - or don´t always think there is something better- enjoy the memories you have.
We all have a tendency of living in what I call the " future continuum" meaning the future that never really comes, cause its preciselly that... the future. The past is already there, nothing to be done about that and the "future continuum" will always be there - but never in a tangible way.
I wonder If we could dig deeper into that " apparently irreversible succesion" bit. For years I´ve fantasized with time travelling and read about the physics behind it, quickly I realized that the complexity of this topic could make me "crazier" than I perceived myself to be at the point.
The physical presence of oneself ( as you know yourself today) in a moment that has already passed or is about to pass seems very unlikely , if not impossible. Assuming there was such possibility then the slightest changes could radically alter the course of events in unpredictable ways allong with chaos theory.
But what If we could Time-Travel with our minds? What if we actually Time-Travel in our sleep during Lucid Dreams? I think we actually can since I have experienced it myself a few times and therefor I am a strong believer in the importance of paying attention to one´s dreams. Specially those dreams that tend to be repetitive, can tell us way more about ourselves and situations around us than any fancy Psychologist could ever tell us.
I had a dream a week ago, I looked very different than the way I look right now, I would assume I was a bit over my thirties and I felt very energic. I was wearing sport clothing and was running with my father who was way younger than he is now, probably 20 years younger.
We were both running in the woods while saying things to each other but he was running faster than me so I got left behind. Then he looked at me and said he would meet me up at the end of the lane we were running joking on how he could still beat me.
Right there I woke up with the strangest sensation, that felt incredibly real I thought...I never dream of him. Two days later I get a phone call in which I´m told he´s been diagnosed with Alzheimer and that I have to prepare myself mentally for the time in which he won´t recognize me any longer.
Why? Couldn´t it have been something more treatable? what is causing this ? and after all the whys and whats you get to the conclusion that none of that really matters now. The period of 2010- 2011 has definetely been the most life-changing and challenging period in my life so far.
I´m only 23 years old, yet sometimes I feel at least 10 years older - you are what happens to you and how you react to that which is happening to you. All the victories, defeats, mistakes, successes, achievements, failures.. its all you in the end and its only up to you whether you want to transform the bad stuff into good stuff or you simply just wanna quit.
Im not a quitter - I´m the kind of guy who starts things, has plans yet doesn´t terribly plan too much, has ambitions yet doesn´t wanna live in the Trump Tower. Like most of us, I want to make the best out of my life and the life of those I love and care for.
This time though it ain´t the incongruence of the anatomy I was born with nor is it society, anxiety, depression... those things are a piece of cake and none of them is irreversible, ALL that can- is and will be alright as time goes by. Now I´m facing an invisible agent that makes its presence very visible in the mental deterioration of one of the people I love the most.
How the fuck can you tackle something that aint physical and current chemicals are not optimal yet ?
No psychologist will give me an answer to that-
So in my head I will shift my thinking into believing he is just time travelling between his memories and as this time travelling machine takes him more away from me I will try to help him remember who he is in all his "selves" though that will certainly be a difficult task in a person who is 72 years old, there must be tons of memories in there.
However, me not existing in many of them I will try to exist now in all the gaps of his memory cause I love the person he is today.
I grew up with this painting too. I had never met a person who experienced the same as me. My mom said me that she bought this painting because she was fascinated by it. It made her feel something special. I experienced the same feeling. When I was child I also imagine that i lived in this fantasy world where all is possible. Even now I think everything is possible and we can live with passion.
ResponderEliminarI´m sure that you can return him from "les trous de sa Mémoire" to you.
It was also very special reading your message Maite. Thanks for writing. This painting is very dear and precious to me. I am not so sure anybody could return from this... I would stay in it myself, if I could.
ResponderEliminarI also have that painting hanging in my living room for about 40 years now. Interesting to see how people who visit me react to it. Glad that others also like it.
ResponderEliminarI have had this painting for a long time. It is fascinating to me. How we can experience different things but always remain intact. To me it shows living fearless of whatever comes or goes!😊
ResponderEliminar